I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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