I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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