I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Someone shattered a urinal.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize