yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
