Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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