problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
