Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
