I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
