I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
