we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
