I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
