great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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