the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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