New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
