You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
