So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
