I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
