I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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