I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
