When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
