Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
