I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
