I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
