just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
