i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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