Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
