Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
