well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
