I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
