I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
