I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
