Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
