There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
