i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Me too!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
