New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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