Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
