Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
