He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
