My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
