I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize