like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i think my mom watched the whole time
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
