just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
