I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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