my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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