Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
