im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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