My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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