Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
