I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
