is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
