im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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