Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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