There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
