dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
