I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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