You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
