Me too!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
