I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
