That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
