ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
