i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
