my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We got so high we made milksteak
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
