I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
