she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
