Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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