so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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