Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
