I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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