I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
