She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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