I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
