we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
