I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
