who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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