If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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